The Orlando Trail

July 19, 2004

I just got back last night from my road trip to Kentucky with Mallory. Mallory wanted to go to Elizabethtown, Kentucky because they are making a movie there this summer, starring Orlando Bloom (a.k.a. Legolas in the Lord of the Rings films). I told her if that was what she wanted for her vacation, I would take her, but I didn't want her to be too miserably disappointed if we didn't manage to see Orlando Bloom. However, I went on the internet and found some discussion forums where the fans in Kentucky were talking about when and where they had cited the adorable Mr. Bloom. I booked a cheap hotel near Louisville, and got the address of the luxury hotel in downtown Louisville where the film crew was supposed to be staying. I also got the address of some location shooting in Versailles, KY, and the address of the resort hotel outside Lexington where the cast was reportedly staying during Versailles filming.

Mallory and I left home at 7:30 on Friday morning, and, after a long but uneventful trip, arrived at the Microtel Inn in Louisville at about 7:30 p.m. We cruised the surrounding area in search of a place to buy shampoo and face wash, which we'd forgotten to pack. We couldn't locate a single shop that was open. Our hotel was in an industrial park, surrounded by distribution centers and manufacturers' showrooms. We did find a Dairy Queen where we got banana splits as a late supper. Proper nutrition is an important factor in parenting.

Saturday a.m. we learned from the front desk clerk that there was a Wal-Mart just one traffic light further down the road from the Dairy Queen, and we ventured out to get our necessary toiletries. Then Mallory cleaned herself up into a fit state to meet a movie star, and we drove into Louisville. Our first stop was the Brown Hotel, where the charming ladies in the gift shop told us that the film people had indeed been staying in the hotel. Orlando Bloom himself had been in the gift shop with his dog, and had stood in the same spot where Mallory was standing. But they were checked out for about 10 days, returning next week. We bought some gift items, then decided to find a place to eat lunch. We walked up Louisville's 4th Street, which is undergoing gentrification as a downtown mall. There are a Hard Rock Cafe, a TGI Friday's and a Red Star Tavern in one block which is closed to vehicular traffic. But we kept walking to Market Street, where we found a cute restaurant called The Old Spaghetti Factory. I had spaghetti with mushroom sauce, Mallory had spaghetti with butter and Mizretha cheese. While we ate, we discussed our game plan for the rest of the day. Mallory decided she would like to drive to Lexington to see if we could run into Orlando at the resort there.

It took about an hour to drive to the Marriott Griffin Gate Resort in Lexington. It's a big hotel with a golf course, a few restaurants, indoor and outdoor pools, exercise room, sauna - all the things lacking at the Microtel Inn in Louisville. We tried the same ploy of pumping the gift shop personnel, but only got a minimal reply from the young woman who sold us chocolates and postcards - yes, the film people had been around. We went into the lounge, I ordered a Cosmopolitan and Mallory ordered a Shirley Temple, and we prepared to chat up the bartender. He was very busy getting ready for the evening crowd, so it took a while before I was able to casually ask if the film people came into the lounge. He said yes, and I said was it the camera crew who came in and he started to say the actors. Then he recollected himself, and told us that he wasn't supposed to talk about the film folks - orders from the management. By now my first Cosmopolitan had made me light-headed, and I told Mallory we would have to stay put until I was sober enough to drive.

A group of men came in, and we got into a friendly conversation. They turned out to be horse traders who had come for a thoroughbred auction which was taking place on Monday. When we told them we were from New Jersey, the oldest of the men (he told me he has a 7-year-old granddaughter) said he used to live in NJ. He said he currently has a farm in Florida where he raises horses until they are old enough to be trained for racing. Eventually, the horse traders invited us to join them for supper at a nearby steak house. I thanked them for the offer, but told them that we couldn't go to a steak house because Mallory is a vegetarian. They left, and Mallory and I explored the dining possibilities within the resort.

We walked around the outdoor pool, alert for the possible presence of our quarry. We strolled over to the adjacent Mansion Restaurant, where we perused the menu and found that their standard fare was all meat dishes. The staff told us they could make vegetarian dishes to order. We thanked them, went back to the hotel and checked out the menu at the Garden Cafe. It was traditional southern fare (always meat), but there were some vegetable offerings in the appetizer list. We decided we would eat there a little later, and then sat guarding the front door and elevators for a while. A gaggle of squealing little girls brandishing bits of autographed paper alerted us to The Presence, but by then Orlando had apparently made it through the gauntlet and disappeared into the elevator to the guest rooms.

We had spotted a couple of gentlemen in the lounge earlier who looked like they might be film crew types (facial hair and glasses - the Stephen Spielberg look). After the little girls had cleared out of the lobby, one of the Spielberg types, who was sporting a T-shirt with ASYLUM printed across the front, came out of the lounge and greeted a distinguished looking gentleman who had just come in the front door. They stood right next to where Mallory was sitting, and I could overhear snatches of their conversation. Phrases like "Orlando really clicked with the character today," "Cameron loves him," "He is Drew [Baylor, the film's main character] now" confirmed that the Spielberg-look had been an accurate clue. When the two men eventually moved away, I could tell by Mallory's suppressed excitement that she had overheard, too.

We had a delicious dinner (potato skins and caesar salad for Mallory, southern fried catfish with corn pudding and greens for me) while Mallory kept an eye on the balconies and elevator banks. After dinner we returned to the lounge. Mallory stuck with Shirley Temples; I switched to vodka tonics. The distinguished gentlemen who had talked with ASYLUM T-shirt was eating at the bar. Various unidentified people came and talked with him, but no movie stars appeared. A combo began to play about 9:00, and by 9:30 Mallory was pretty disgusted with things in general and wanted to go to bed. We still had an hour drive back to our hotel, and during the time Mallory hatched a plan for Sunday. She wanted to get up early enough for us to pack, check out and drive to Lexington by 7:00. Yikes! She was hoping we could get to the resort early enough to catch the film crew heading out for the day's shoot.

Of course, it being me and Mallory, we didn't quite make the planned schedule. By the time we dragged ourselves from bed, dressed, packed and checked out, it was 6:30. We reached the Lexington resort about 7:30, and there were no signs of film crew. Mallory did a little reconnoitering and decided she wanted to get breakfast in the same restaurant where we had dined Saturday night. They had a reasonably priced breakfast buffet that featured lots of fresh fruit and pastries, in addition to the indispensable bacon, eggs, sausage and waffles. We had spotted no film people by the time breakfast had been consumed.

Mallory decided she would actually like to see something besides places where me might find Orlando Bloom. We drove a short way down the road to the farm where we had been told the Thoroughbred auction would take place. It said Fasig Tipton on the gate, and we drove right in. There were dozens of barns, and handlers were walking horses around outside while potential buyers made notes on pads. Other folks were on cell phones, apparently discussing which promising fillies/colts they were going to bid on. Mallory and I walked around the fences, admiring the horse flesh. Because the day was damp and chilly, I was wearing an orange sweater which may possibly have been the cause of unruly reactions from some of the green young horses - rearing, whinnying, and one handsome creature actually tried to bolt. We blithely looked our fill, took some snapshots which should impress our horsey relatives in Virginia, and got back in the car.

Mallory wanted to try one more place where Orlando might be. We drove the half hour to Versailles, through rolling country divided by neat fences blackened with tar. There were horses lounging in the morning mists in many of the fields. When we got to Versailles we crisscrossed the area, cruising residential streets and public buildings, hoping to find a film crew in action somewhere. After driving around for 3/4 of an hour, Mallory suggested that we stop in a convenience store and ask somebody if they knew where the crew was filming today. In the store, I waited a while for Mallory to do the asking, but she said nothing. So I asked the ladies at the cash register if the movie people were in town. The response was kind of comical. "Yeah, they've been all over here, terrorizing us," reported a thin woman with a blonde ponytail and a thick drawl. "At first it was kind of exciting, but now I just want them to hurry up and leave." A direct question ellicited the information that they were not filming today (it WAS Sunday), but that they would be on the street right in front of the store between 7 and 8 on Monday morning. We paid for our snacks, thanked them for the info and went back out to the car.

Mallory was getting pretty discouraged. She now knew exactly where Orlando would be Monday morning, by which time I had to be back at my office in New Jersey. I said we could make one more pass at the resort, but by noon we had to hit the road. We drove back to Lexington by a different route, to vary the scenery and because I couldn't find the road by which we came into Versailles. We didn't have any trouble relocating the resort by this different route, and I gratefully made use of the luxurious restroom facilities in the lobby area. Mallory went off to sleuth on her own. After the restroom, I visited the gift shop to pick up a couple of sodas to put in the cooler for the drive home. I took them out to the car, then went back into the lobby looking for Mallory.

I didn't find her there, nor could I find her making the circuit around the hotel pool and Mansion Restaurant. So I sat down in a comfy chair near the resort's front desk and started reading over the script of LOVE LETTERS, which I will be performing next Saturday. A few minutes later, Mallory appeared around a corner with a bemused smile on her face. She had FOUND him! She had gone around outside the hotel in the opposite direction from the way I went, and she had encountered the object of her fantasies walking his dog on the grass. She approached while he was talking to some other girls, but his dog ran right up to greet Mallory. When Orlando turned his attention to her, Mallory told him the little fiction I had suggested - that she was on a cross-country scavenger hunt and that one of the things to be hunted was a snapshot of Orlando Bloom. He regretfully told her that because of the film publicity contract he couldn't allow his photo to be taken, but he could give her an autograph. She rummaged in her little purse and found the ticket stub from my production of BAREFOOT IN THE PARK, and he signed the back of it for her. And that was that.

Mallory sat in a happy daze for the first six of the twelve hours it took us to drive home. Finally, I had to seek my due. I asked if driving her all the way to Kentucky AND providng her with a plausible story to tell Orlando Bloom didn't make me the greatest mom in the world. She acknowledged with an enthusiastic kiss to my cheek (all she could accomplish while I was driving). I felt amply rewarded.